10 Reasons Why this Cover Letter Rocks

ATLANTA, GA - Okay, get ready to take some notes.  Following is one of the best cover letters / emails I have ever received.  Check it out and I'll explain why ...

Hi Harry,

I read your interesting blog [1] recently and thought to contact you.

I am new to Atlanta and champing at the bit [2] to join an organization and prove my mettle [3]; however, I need help [4] obtaining a position.  Do you think that you could help me [5], given my background [6]?  Please take a look at my resume and let me know.  If so, I am happy to pay a bonus commission for successful placement [7].  If not, I would appreciate it if you kindly suggested a colleague or agency that is more appropriate for me [8].

You can reach me at metcalf@post.harvard.Xdu or on my mobile number, 617-9X9-1X91 [9].

Thank you in advance for your consideration.

Best regards,
Casey Metcalf

Encl. Resume [10]

First off, my love of this candidate has NOTHING to do with his degree from Harvard.  Sure, Harvard is an awesome school if you can afford it, but America has more than a million millionaires, and only a small percentage of them went to Harvard.  This guy is HUNGRY, and they don't teach that in the Ivy League.  Casey was hungry before he got to Harvard.  Beyond that, ...

Here are ten reasons why Casey's cover letter rocks:

1. He read my blog.  This isn't about my ego.  It's about one-to-one marketing.  I get loads of email from people saying they've read my blog, but it's clear from their email that they only glanced at it long enough to scrape my email address.  Casey knows I'm in Atlanta.  Clearly, this correspondence is personal.
2. Great choice of words.  I read a ton of email, and I love it when people take chances with their communication.  "Champing at the bit" is a great idiomatic expression that I don't hear every day.  Good call, Casey!
3. Not only is "prove my mettle" an awesome expression, it tells me that this guy is a do-er.  No sense of entitlement whatsoever.  Lookit: I run a business.  I know how critical do-ers are to the success of every business.  Casey doesn't bore me with desires of "applying his strategic skills" or any of that crap.  All in good time.  For now, this cat's ready to roll up his sleeves if given an excellent ground-floor opportunity.
4. I love it when people just admit right up front that they need help.  Shows humility.
5. Not only does Casey know he needs help, but he is asking me very politely ...
6. ... and he is providing evidence as to why my doing so would be credible in the eyes of my peers.  This is no baseless favor he's requesting.
7. Beyond that, Casey's willing to put some skin in the game.  Candidates, please know that candidates NEVER (re-read that) need to pay me.  All of my fees are paid by my clients.  Period.  But I love the idea that he is willing to put his money where his mouth is.  That shows self confidence and a streak of entrepreneurship.
8. Ask for referrals.  Always.  Always.  Always.  Who knows?  Maybe some recruiter will blog about you.  And perhaps other recruiters will Tweet about that recruiter's blog post.  Or maybe the first recruiter's post will make the homepage of StumbleUpon and be viewed by more than ten thousand people.  You'll be famous!  Hey, stranger things have happened.
9. Casey gives me not one, but two ways to reach him.  You'd be surprised.  Not every candidate does this.  Dumb.
10. The fact that Casey put this footer in his email shows he knows a thing or two about proper form.  Believe me, one can take all manner of license with the English language if it's evident from one's form and sentence structure that one knows about them in the first place.  Like, duh!  It's the difference between knowing the tricks of one's trade and knowing one's trade.

I realize that some folks will read this blog post and wonder how slow my day must have been to bring this up.  Actually, my day was very busy.  However, unless your resume is just brimming with relevant work experience (Casey's isn't) -- then you'd better learn to politely differentiate yourself in a brief, cogent cover letter.
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Comments

[Laura Paris]

This is a great article. I love how the letter to be dismantled. I learned a lot about what the employer will be considered when I go in search of a job after college.

The NIC "Metal" is completely different from the "husbands. One way of hard conductive material and other means of perseverance and fortitude. :)

[Irish Entrepreneur]

Nice cover letter. Probably the type of person I would love working with --if I'm an employer.

[Peak Recruiters]

I too love the hunger and drive this guy has. Sometimes you just need to show the fire. Great post!

[Travis]

I agree with some of the comments that MOST "resumes" or cover-letters are pretty fake. It's more like an ambassador of the person than the actual person underneath.

[Matt SF]

Great post! Probably one of the better cover letters I've seen in some time. Clear, concise, and straight to the point.

A good cover letter is almost (hint) as valuable as a good headhunter!

[Elizabeth Johnston]

You will also want to write a cover letter/note projecting the job description, that you are going after, through your experiences.

[tom funk]

I love a good cover letter. While a resume lays out the qualifications and history, it takes a cover letter to convey voice, personality, and values -- it is the opportunity to "come off the page" to a hiring manager. What Harry sees in the cover letter are virtues like research, intelligence, some uniqueness/quirkiness, humility, willingness to put skin in the game, appreciation of the value of relationship and referral etc. Sure, there is debate here on whether the candidate truly has those qualities, but if it rings true to the hiring manager, it's good.

It's interesting that one person's humility is someone else's desperation. By the same token, a cover letter that strikes me as arrogant and full of attitude might indicate a great, hard-charging candidate to someone else. Your cover letter should send some signals about who you are. Whether the hiring manager finds it appealing or not may be a tip-off to whether your personal style will mesh with the corporate culture.

[Randy]

Great looking letter. Great post! Thanks for the story!

[Dave]

Most interesting, are the amount of "I agree" and "I disagree" comments on this post. It just goes to show that there is no real "right" way to do anything. The important thing is that you do SOMETHING, replacing inaction with forward momentum, which is exactly what Casey did.

Thanks for another great post, Harry.

[brian]

I completely agree with gen and johnmark, and johnmark hit the nail on the head with faking it in the business world, as I have seen so much of that first-hand. This cover letter does not impress me at all. I think it is ridiculous. Paying a recruiter?!? Sounds like bribery. A cover letter needs to state why you love the company and demonstrate how your specific skills match up precisely with the job duties for the position. Nothing else is important, because recruiters read it dozens of times a day. Get to the point right away - don't waste time kissing butt or trying to sound unique, original, or cool.
My experience with cover letters comes from the best training from Berkeley. If this cover letter sparked your interest, then his trick worked, and you were influenced by fluff.

[Steve]

Excellent article ! Very usefull for the redaction of my cover letter !
Thanks.
Steve

[Laura babbili]

Sooo are you gonna hire him?

[Harry Joiner]

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear: Casey wants to work in Atlanta. I have zero business in Atlanta. He is not a fit for any of the jobs I handle (as you well know).

HOWEVER: I do know tons of people in Atlanta, and many of them are recruiters and hiring managers. The basis of his inquiry was that 1.) he's in Atlanta, and 2.) he's looking for a ground floor opportunity. I do know people to whom I could credibly refer Casey -- now that I know he's a can-do-ninja-mo-fo who's champing at the bit to prove his mettle.

Thanks for reading.
HJ
Harry

[Alan Rimm-Kaufman]

Dunno, Harry, dunno.

Unless I missed it, it looks like there is ZERO e-commerce or direct marketing in his resume or in his cover letter.

You're a super-targted recruiter. Quoting your 'about' page,

Harry Joiner is an executive recruiter specializing in integrated marketing and "new media."

and you note typical searches at are the C- and V- and Director level.

I wish Casey the best of luck, and have no reason to doubt he's a nice guy, but where's the evidence that he has real interest in the types of jobs you fill?

One extra sentence in the cover stating why he reads your blog would have done it. One mention of e-comm in the resume would have done it.

My two cents

Cheers

Alan

rkgblog

[Melina Benninghoff]

I believe the cover letter is very basic and yet very informative. You would be surprised as to how many people flunk on such a simple task. I send Cover letters out everyday and I know it sometimes calls for a different format but ultimately the main points or 10 things are always there.....or should be.

Melina

[Harry Joiner]

I blocked his email address on the page so spam bots couldn't harvest it. I did the same with the phone number to make anyone who wanted to hassle him dig out his real number. But the idea is that this candidate will get hired by someone. Please, contact him!

[Ashley]

I would just like to point out that you blocked his contact information in the copy of his cover letter, but it is still in his resume, which you have enclosed. I might have to call him now. :)

[gen]

I happened to stumble across you article and have to disagree with your analysis of the cover letter. I have recently graduated from business school and I honestly think that Casey brings himself across as being desperate and someone who is insecure about what he has accomplished.

Firstly, cover letters are meant to be have a formal tone as it is business letter to the company of interest. However, he writes in a very casual manner almost as if he is asking you to do a favour for him. Yes, a cover letter that stands out is important but it should not read as if he wrote it to a friend or written in a hurry.

Even though humility is a good characteristic to have, asking for help in a cover letter is not very apt. It shows that he is weak and does not have the self confidence to properly sell himself to a business. Graduating from Harvard is something to be proud of and would immediately put a candidate in the forefront, however, instead of putting his strengths and qualifications first, he illustrates himself as being feeble and needs your help in getting a job. A candidate needs to show the employer he is strong and independent and that they need him more than he needs you. If someone hadn't read his CV, how would they know he even went to Harvard (most people wouldn't read into the email address).

"I am happy to pay a bonus commission for successful placement" - This sounds like a euphimism for bribery. Most recruiters would not find this a suitable trait for an employee. This does not make him sound self-confident at all. The fact that he thinks that money will help him land the position instead of his own merits, again, makes him look desperate. Entreprenuers would try to lower their costs as well.

According to his CV, he has an excellent academic background and has shown proficient university participation and leadership. However, his cover letter makes it sound as if he hasn't done that much, which would lower the chance of an employer even reading his CV and brings his credentials as a person down. Furthermore, he may know how to add a pretty footer in his email but he obviously does not know the difference between an operating system and a software program. Microsoft Word is not an operating system! Windows/Linux would have been the correct term. If he had bothered to proof read his CV or asked someone else to check, he would have realised he listed the program twice, which would have been properly corrected. He also has not added any references. With his various work experiences and acadmic track record, he should have had no problem in including 2 or 3 references who could validate his claims.

All graduates are 'hungry' to get a job and employers know that. But bringing across your vulnerabilities and weaknesses in the very first point of contact with the business, however, is not a good way to promote yourself.

[Russ]

nic, the correct words are, in fact, champing and mettle. Proving one's mettle means to prove that you can do what you set out to do. It is, apparently, an evolution of metal, but it has a different meaning in today's English. Champing, on the other hand, is commonly mistaken for chomping in this phrase because it just makes better sense to most American English speaking people. The phrase, "Champing at the bit," however, is the correct one.

[kerning is key]

one word of advice Harry, STOP DOUBLE SPACING! it is annoying kthxbye :)

[johnmark]

OK.. i'm a graduating student with a doctoral degree. I don't know too much about the business world but I just spent a year visiting different sites on rotations and i've learned quite a few things about hiring managers.
#1.. people put way too much emphasis on nonsense. Such as this coverletter. Wow someone used some tacky language that doesnt even really make sense but it sounds different and artistic. COOOL!
#2.. The only thing that really should matter to any employer is how you can help grow their business or improve their net profit... So expierence should really be the #1 thing to focus on. Instead here you go on and on about his personality and appeal. Don't people understand that its very easy to fake all these things? Business and corporation positions especially love to dwell on these facts. But isnt it better to have someone who is qualified and also a critical thinker rather than someone who can talk well and can act the part?
#3... Most business ppl have no idea what theyre doing. I've meet quite a few ppl in the pharma industy through this year and they like to focus on the very same issues mentioned above. However they themselves only try to pretend that they are doing something when infact they have barely a clue of what theyre doing. When you ask them.. what does your job entail on a day to day basis and they tell u very vague and cliche phrases of what they do .. u kno its BS.. and i'm smart i can smell BS from a mile away.. i wont say it to u but i can smell its dirty stench..

Point being... business ppl focus way too much on non-factual evidence and can't differentiate a good candidate from a poor candidate.. but they THINK they have a solution .. by focusing on who can be the best "actor" - honestly noone would ever say "champing at the bit" in a conversation unless they wanna get slapped. So lets stop focusing on nonsense and find true ways of getting business done. Lets stop hiring 50 workers to pretend they are doing something. Maybe if we learned what to truly look for we wouldnt be in the financial mess we are in. And yes its ppl running business development that are responsible.

- a graduating doctor sick of having to act fake

[Nora]

This is a great article. I love how the letter was taken apart. I learned a lot about what an employer will look at when I go looking for jobs after college.

Also, to Nic "metal" is completely different than "mettle." One means a hard conductive material and the other means tenacity and strength.

[nic]

"Champing" at the bit AND "Mettle" are misspellings of "Chomping" and "Metal"

give me a job

[Anthony]

Just an aside.

In his resume he states:
"Operating Systems: Microsoft Word and Apple-Macintosh OSX", then list Microsoft Word as an application. He is right, but only in one of the statements.

Aside from this slight ERROR, the cover letter and resume are good examples for any job seeker. I am an employment counsellor and regularly emphasize the importance of a GREAT cover letter.

[Mark L. Olson]

Harry,

I'm encouraged by your post because in your article: "Six Steps to a Better Career: 28 Job Search Tips from a Hard-Bitten Marketing Headhunter," you wrote "Forget the cover letter. Recruiters don't usually read them. A short, keyword-rich email will suffice." It appears this was such an email, but you're calling it a cover letter. Good enough.

I have what I have been repeatedly told is a great background, but it is not obvious and not an easy one for a search professional to sell.

I say I'm encouraged because my cover letters need to do my selling, so I created something I refer to as a Sales Cover Letter (http://marklolson.wordpress.com/2009/03/16/your-resume-wont-get-you-a-job/) to match myself up to an opportunity. Glad to hear there is a place for them done right.

Mark Olson